Warning: Contains material some readers may find offensive.
My path through discovering myself as a mother, teacher and self.
I’ve been fighting this post for some reason. I have so many topics that have been running through my mind. I start to put my ideas down on computer screen and something will happen in my life that takes me into a different direction and onto a different topic.
I’m a Reiki Master/Teacher and thrive when I have some grounding time. But grounding time is one of the many things missing in my life now. I would arrive at my belly dance classes about 15 minutes early which would give me time to practice, to dance, to listen to the beat of the music, to be barefoot and feel the wooden floor beneath my feet, and move. This was great grounding time for me. I found that over the six weeks that my class spanned, I regained my sensitivity to others around me. Yup, let’s add empath onto my list of things that I am.
Over the past month I have also noticed that the Reiki energy has been tingling inside of me. A friend or family member that I may not have had much contact with over the past year or two will creep into my mind and I can feel that I need to send Reiki energy to them for one reason or another. Then I contact them to make sure everything is ok with them and their life only to find out that they are having either health or life issues. It’s hard feeling certain changes in people regardless of my relationship with them.
There is a coworker at my work who has been battling cancer for a couple years. It is slowly taking him and there are days when he walks past my office that I feel his pain, his tiredness, his disease. I see the grey in his aura. My hands start to tingle and I say a prayer to his higher self in hopes that the energy will give him strength.
I began thinking that this self time that I have added into my schedule may not have been such a good idea. I even started to have a slight fear in the upcoming fall….I will be teaching belly dance at the local college and again at the local YWCA. There will be two nights a week instead of the one night that I just finished with…two nights of grounding. If one night brought this much sensitivity into my life, what changes will two nights bring?
The thought that comforts me is that there is a reason why the universe is leading me into this direction. The rhythm of my life is changing and I am discovering the path that is set out before me.
There are times when I am thankful for this insight again. It was strong years ago, but then life changes came along that seemed to muffle that sense. At times I missed it, and then at others, I was glad to be rid of it. I am learning to trust what I feel and to watch for facial expressions and body language to confirm my senses. This is also helping me to make small confessions about my life.
First confession, I have let myself go. I have stopped feeling the rhythm of the Earth. I have stopped grounding myself. I have stopped practicing self-Reiki. I have stopped meditating. I have stopped watching what I ate (with the understanding that there are days and times when I can loosen that watching and “splurge”). I have stopped talking to the sidhe. I have stopped listening to my body rhythm. I had stopped creating.
For a Cancer and a child of the moon, this is all bad. I had to make changes, and I started when I found a lump in my breast in early December last year. Thankfully there was nothing to worry about, but it scared me enough to make me realize that I needed to make changes.
First change, as mentioned in my first post, dance. This also leads into my second change, grounding. Third change, care for my underactive thyroid through food and vitamins (the food part is still a challenge). So far, this is as far as I have gotten. Not too bad of a change, although it has taken me months to make these changes and I am still working on them.
Last night I made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in months! I love my kitchen. It’s not ideal, there are changes I would love to make to it, but I have some counter space, I have all the necessary appliances and I have the necessary ingredients. At times I will put some Loreena McKennitt or Enya on and be soothed away into another time and place. Or I will put a trusted and loved DVD in and watch or listen to it on my little countertop TV. My girls are often out there with me baking and my boys (my husband and son) typically stroll through and grab any fruits of our labors that they can get away with.
This is another grounding time for me, a time when I am at one with what Mother Earth has provided me with. I relish in the fact that my girls are there with me learning how to bake and enjoying that time. They are adorable and warm my heart.
My oldest (11 years old) is a natural at baking; she is very comfortable in the kitchen. My youngest (9 years old) struggles but tries hard to have the same comfort as her older sister. As they were making cookie dough balls and putting them on the cookie sheet, I pulled the youngest’s hair back away from her face so I could watch her expressions, all the while I’m channeling Reiki energy to soften her tension (although I do not let them know about this).
The oldest asked what I was doing so I told her. She asked why, I told them that I watch her face and watch for signs of tension. They both asked why. I responded, so I can relieve her tension. Again they asked why. I explained to them that when they create, whether it’s making or baking food or creating a craft or picture, the energy they feel at the time will be the energy that goes into what they create. I told them that as they bake the cookies, you want to make sure you infuse the cookies with love and happiness, not tension. It’s just another “ingredient”. Other people are going to eat them and therefore will be eating that energy. I saw a light bulb click on in them.
The youngest stood back and gathered herself, relaxed and had a much better time. We talked about how this was supposed to be fun. Cookies are fun, fun to make and eat. I loved the transformation.
Another change, become a teacher, at least a better one as I grow older. I welcomed the sense of feeling my daughter’s emotions and trusting in what I felt. I used my abilities and changed the feeling of what was happening around me. I taught myself as well.
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