How to Catch Fairies

How to Catch Fairies
by Gilly Sergiev
Fair Winds Press
(Zero Broomsticks)

 

This book induced a roiling case of indigestion.

I have studied fairy lore my entire life. Real fairy lore, mind you, not this demented claptrap. The author, who calls herself a “white witch, healer and spiritualist who has a passion for Craft lore,” did not bother to learn anything about the subject of the Good Folk, the Gentry or the Good Neighbors before she wrote this ridiculous little book.

She just made it all up as she went along.

She tells her readers that “the fairies are just waiting for your call...”

What, are the Fae pathetically waiting around for someone to call and ask for a date? Does she mean to tell me that the Good Folk — who hold to the belief that “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine, too,” — are so bored with life that they just hang around, waiting for some dumb mortal to blunder along and try and catch them?

Right.

The author seems to think that the Good Neighbors are all sweetness and light, harmless little wisps: beautiful, graceful creatures who want to play sweet games with mortals and communicate with us and all that happy horse hockey.

Well, she’s full of it.

They aren’t all sweetness and light.

In fact, I’d venture to say that very few of them are very sweet at all. Most of them, in fact, are what one would call, “not good, not bad, just different,” and many of them count as dire creatures indeed.

Among the Fae that Sergiev encourages her readers to contact and attempt to catch or contain are kelpies, banshees, hobgoblins and imps.

I would like to know why anyone in their right mind would want to catch a kelpie, which is a creature that looks like a horse and has a propensity for drowning humans? Or a banshee ... whose main purpose is to weep and wail, acting as an omen of death? Do I need to mention why it would be a bad idea to try and catch a hobgoblin or an imp?

I didn’t think so. I figured y’all were smarter than that.

Most of the methods the author suggests are bogus and unlikely to work, for which I am profoundly grateful. I wouldn’t want to see what might happen if some misguided dingbat took it upon herself to try and bind a goblin, banshee or phooka after reading this horrible little excuse for a book.

Needless to say, pass on this idiocy. The color illustrations are not even worth bothering with; they are amateurish and do not distract the reader from the foolish text in the slightest.

BARBARA FISHER

RATING: 0 Broomsticks


» Originally appeared in newWitch #02

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