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a Month for Loki: the Relentless One

Peacock God

I feel less chatty at the beginning of this Month for Loki than I planned or pictured. A month for my Beloved is fun, right? Write ALL the things for Loki! Whee!

Yes and no. When Loki first appeared as Himself, He made it clear to me that He wanted ALL of me, not just the bits that I thought were good enough for public consumption. And He’s also always wanted me to be a public wife. “You are not to be hidden,” He’s said, and He’s not kidding. Any time I’ve been tempted to say f*ck it and hide, He’s shoved me right back out there, to talk about Him, but also to talk about myself, which I dislike.

There. Now y’all know a secret about me. I don’t actually like sharing much about me, but I do it because He asks me to be public. I’m not shy, but in His words, “I’m easy to know, but not easy to know well,” and that’s because I have a level of reserve that He’s been slowly chipping away at, bit by bit. All of my bits, they’re all His. So when I asked Him what He wanted for His month of celebration, His answer was essentially, “Stop avoiding being yourself. Stop hiding.”

And it’s not so much that I’m hiding who or what I am as I’m avoiding doing the things that come  naturally to me: writing and witching. Yes, I write the blog. But I can and have written books, but I quit doing it after I got sick, and apparently I need to start doing that again. But He wants stuff about us written, and that involves me talking about me, which I don’t enjoy, because I associate Being Seen, particularly Being Seen as Desirable with danger – I was date raped, and my rapist made a point of telling me that I was so pretty, and dressed that way, how could I not be asking for it? And while that was years ago, I’ve also been stalked recently, and it took involving law enforcement to get the stalker to leave me alone. So somewhere in all my thinky thoughts, I associate camouflage with safety.

To counter that crap with a clue-by-four, He sent the Peacock God to visit me. He’s a Feri Deity, and as some of y’all know, I love Feri and plan on taking formal training in the trad from Veedub next year. And much thanks to Jim for helping me sort that – y’all should check him out if you just want to meet someone awesome who is Lokean and Feri. The Peacock God is all about getting you comfortable with your own power and desire, and because I’m aware that I can manifest like whoa, I tend to be very circumspect in using the ability.

Loki doesn’t agree with that perspective. “Name your desire,” He says.

Very well, Beloved. I want to get over my fear and get on with being myself. Hail to You, O my Relentless One.

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Lokean nun, writer, swamp witch. Heather is a Pagan monastic, writer, editor, and mother. She has written and edited for a variety of publications and social media, including science journals, romance novels, and technology blogs. She also holds degrees in education and speech-language pathology, and has a passion for historical linguistics.


  • Christine L Berger
    Christine L Berger Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    I am happy to see you here, and to read your blog. I "met" Loki a year ago within a summer that demanded everything from me and changed me for life. I belong to Hermes, but last summer I fell deeply in love with several other Gods for want of better words to describe it. Loki was a surprise to me and to this day I have an altar for Him and once a week read an invocation I wrote during that time period. The love and bonds created then are permanent, and though I am not a God spouse, my heart belongs to them. Loki saved my life and I will never ever forget.

  • Christine L Berger
    Christine L Berger Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    Heather, I hope you will forgive me posting a second comment, but your step writing in simmered on the back burners and instigated this writing below, which I offer to Loki, and thank both of you for the inspiration:

    Being Present, Making a Stand 07-02-13

    It hit me
    Reading a blog by a God-Spouse of Loki's
    That the message she had been given
    Has bearing for all of us
    and it is what provokes my courage in exposing myself
    By writing honestly and from the heart
    No matter the audience
    Because in fact
    If I write for or about how I love the Gods
    I am truly writing as if They are standing right in front of
    or behind or next to me
    Because in reality
    This thought we have of separation is bullshit

    This month I found out is Loki's
    Which may be why I feel Him so strongly
    and I was contemplating this morning at work
    This whole idea of God-Spouse
    or Priestess or Priest
    and I saw that it was a bridge in
    A grounding of the Gods here
    and a foot into their realms
    For the mortals
    A blessing
    A marriage
    A union
    If I invoke as above so below
    As below, so above
    as reality whether my conscious mind can fathom it or not
    This to me is what living my life and making it sacred means

    So if I stand before anyone doing a reading
    Or I respond to a blog
    Or I post my writing on Face-book
    or Tumblr
    Or Good God!
    Even on
    It is because the reality of the Sacred Marriage
    of Priestesshood
    Does not alter depending on circumstances
    It is the core of who I am
    Whether I am called by them as Daughter
    or Lover or Friend or Priestess
    The labels do not effect the reality
    I have been long gone in Their hands for lifetimes
    It is only this one where the consciousness of that
    Has surpassed any other reason for being.

  • Heather Freysdottir
    Heather Freysdottir Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    3 That is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with me. Would you mind if i posted or linked it on my WP (as opposed to this W&P) blog?

  • Christine L Berger
    Christine L Berger Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    Heather, I would be honored. Christine

  • Heather Freysdottir
    Heather Freysdottir Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    Yay! Do you have a blog or other public profile that you'd like me to link to as well, or would you prefer to just have this page as the only link?

  • Christine L Berger
    Christine L Berger Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    Not at this time. this page is fine. :)

  • Heather Freysdottir
    Heather Freysdottir Tuesday, 02 July 2013

    For you, Christine:

    Thank you for sharing what Loki's done for you with all of us at W&P.

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