Continuing my story of my personal journey on my heathen path, when I was 30 I was finally mentally and physically healthy. When the goddess Freya had claimed me for her Priestess when I was 20, she had appeared in her solar aspect. In my mind's eye, she always appeared as the white-hot light of the sun. That Light is all-love and all-life. Until I became healthy enough to reach it again, I had only experienced that Light once, during my initiation in 1989. Ten years later, I was ready to bring it inside myself.
Through writing fiction, I came up with the idea of picturing the Light and bringing that Light into my heart. After a character in my story did it, I did it, too. I pictured my hand, reached into the Light, and pushed it into my heart.
The last quote from my memoir, Greater Than the Sum of My Parts:
“I mentally reached out a hand into that shining consciousness of life-fire. I reached. I pulled. The light was within me.
A grin spread over my face and I laughed out loud. It worked! The Light of my initiation all those years ago had been there all along. I only needed a whole mind to reach it."
That Light has been with me ever since. It is ecstatic. It's always there, pouring from my heart. Anytime I wish, I can temporarily fill my body with that light and experience the sun body, a state of religious ecstasy. Then I let the light go again, and Freya's Light radiates out to the world through me.
That’s the end of the story in my memoir; it ends with becoming healthy and whole and a vehicle for the light of my Goddess. But as with all stories that don’t end with death, life went on after the happily-ever-after. I've lived 16 more years since then, and I'll continue to share the story of my journey here in Gnosis Diary.
Freya is the Light in my heart.